This past Sunday night and Monday morning, Kara had a rough time. She ate In n Out Burger for lunch on Sunday and it did not move through her well at all. She was in quite a bit of pain and discomfort until it all passed. We are now on day six of a "good" stretch. YAY, God!!
For me, it was the first time our "new normal" really hit me. It's tough when you realize that something that is beyond your control is dictating your life. I had plans on Monday...BIG plans! I had places to be, people to see, things to do. Yet, I was at home with my sweet Kara, unable to even get away for an hour.
At one point, I sent my hubby a text, asking if he supported me having her rest at the home of a close friend of ours. I knew she would be comfortable there, and that she'd be loved on and well taken care of...for a short time. I didn't expect my husband to say he'd "rather not." WHAT?! Did I not make it clear how important my plans were??
So, as I prayed through my frustration with my husband, God dealt with me. Oh, He does that, doesn't He? God made it very clear that Kara was MY priority and that He has allowed me the opportunity to minister to girls and women throughout hundreds of churches with the flexibility my family needs right now. He had the events covered and they would not suffer if I couldn't be there. He had perfectly capable people in place so that I could minister to my daughter at home during her time of need.
I wish I could say I handled this correction with grace and dignity. I received it, not well at first, but I let it soak in. Through tears of frustration, sadness, and the realization that my plans are no longer my own, but they are at the mercy of Scleroderma and whatever the Lord wants to do through it...I have a better understanding that..
I am a blessed wife,
I am a blessed mom
and
I am a blessed child of God.
I am not perfect. God is not done with me, yet...for that I am grateful! I am a work in progress, a masterpiece by the Master artist, and perfectly understood by the One who created me. For His goodness and mercy, I am grateful!
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Don't you know once you became a Mom your life was no longer your own.
ReplyDeleteI totally know that...but as my girls are getting older, they are less dependent on us. This is a good thing, but it had also become comfortable.
ReplyDeleteI took for granted that everyday my kids would be at school; that the flu would only happen every once in a while; that a boo-boo would be temporary.
I grew comfortable and it took the Lord to remind me that my privilege and priority is being Mom to Kara and Kori, the most precious things in my life.